Motivation and Roadblocks

January 9, 2019

In our past considerations of how not to reach goals, we generally described insufficient motivation, daunting roadblocks or too much inhibition. One way to look at inhibition is inhibition as objection, or the “yeah, but …” train of thought.

Objections can be conscious or unconscious, and either supportive or limiting. An example of a conscious, supportive objection might be “I’d start a business, but I’d miss too much of my kids growing up.” Others are just as conscious but more limiting: “I’d start a business, but I’m sure I’d just screw it up.” Objections like these are easy to address with some straightforward reality testing. Is there any way you could start a business and still have enough time with your kids? What business mistakes do you foresee, and how might you address those in advance? Answering these types of questions make our goals easier to tackle.

Unconscious objections are harder. When I was once on a tough weight loss path, I hit a strong sense of resistance to continue. I couldn’t even really describe it; I just did not want to continue my weight loss—until I recalled a particular moment I experienced as a teenager. I was painfully skinny and hated it. I remembered thinking this back then: “If only I could weigh 200 pounds.” Well, I did at this point, but the way it showed up was not what I had in mind. Recalling the motivation allowed me to jumpstart my weight loss.

Distractions are a marker of unconscious objections. I often find that on difficult tasks all kinds of things pop up to draw my attention away. Brené Brown described feeling the need to completely organize her office before starting on a new book project. Heck, just since sitting down to write this blog post, I’ve needed to fold socks, start a new load of laundry, make lunch, and check on the dog. All these things needed doing, but somehow they took on a new sense of urgency. (Perhaps I have found a new motivation strategy!)

It’s easy to see these unexplained urges to do chores as a marker of an unconscious objection. It’s almost like we’re allergic to action. However, another variety is a little trickier. I know many people who have endless conscious objections to even the easiest exercises. It’s too cold. I don’t have time. I’ll get too sweaty. It’ll mess up my hair. These certainly are legitimate conscious objections, yet those same people report that when they do the exercise, it’s never as bad as they expect. They always feel better, and they are always glad to have done it.

Sometimes, we rationalize an unconscious motivation by just making up stories, even if our experience shows those stories to be false. Some theorists think we are biologically predisposed to save energy. The reluctance to start exercise – which is often experienced by even avid exercisers – may just be an ancient biological artifact.

With all of this going on, it’s hard to know the true nature of what holds us back from achieving our goals. The best approach is to either undertake the whole project, or at least a part of it, and find out what happens internally when we do. Are our objections just false stories? Does undertaking the activity reveal self-doubts or genuine shortcomings that we need to address first?

The best way to make progress is to make attempts at achieving your goal. Even if you don’t accomplish it, you may discover what demotivates you. At the very least, you’ll have better information the next time you try to tackle your goal, and that could be all the motivation you need.